The E! reporter, Giuliana Rancic, said putting her husband first, and the baby second is the secret to her happy marriage. I couldn’t agree more. As you might suspect, a nuclear meltdown happened online as women who put their kids first came out on attack. I was invited to appear on Good Morning America to defend Giuliana. Learn how to defeat negative self-talk with Mel Robbins at her FREE virtual training event on May 23rd! If you watch the segment, you’ll meet these two female bloggers who basically say the kids always come first and then laugh about where their spouses fall on the list….
“If you asked me what the breakdown was I would say my children, my girlfriends, then my husband. But…don’t tell him that because he doesn’t know it.” And then they laugh hysterically like it’s all a big joke. Marriage isn’t a joke. It’s something we work hard at and are tremendously proud of. I want it to last a lifetime, which is why I treat it accordingly. I bet her husband‘s breakdown is the same: my children, my girlfriends and then my wife….
but don’t tell her because she doesn’t know it because she’s too busy focusing on her kids, her friends and her self. Marriage isn’t a joke. If you put your spouse last; it’s a tragic, sad affair. My husband Chris and I have been together for 19 years. Like you, our lives are consumed by the logistics of running a household, managing careers and caring for our three kids and a dog. Like you, our lives are impossibly busy.
Like you, we love our kids. Our marriage provides the foundation for everything that we’ve built together. It isn’t a joke. It’s something we work hard at and are tremendously proud of. I want it to last a lifetime, which is why I treat it accordingly. If you stop and think about it, it’s the way it should be. You should put your marriage first: Related: 8 Traits of Healthy Relationships A strong marriage is the healthiest thing you can give your kids.
Your kids feel safe and loved when they see two parents who work as a team, take interest in each other, make an effort, display both respect and affection and act like one another’s favorite, even after all these years. If you put your spouse first, your marriage will last your lifetime. If you want your marriage to last your lifetime, give it the attention and effort it deserves. Your kids will live with you for just two short decades.
Putting your marriage on cruise control for 20 years, while you focus on your kids is like falling asleep at the wheel—deadly. When your kids leave, your spouse is the one who’s left. If you’ve made them your last priority (and think it’s funny) they’d be dumb to stay with you. Spouses aren’t roommates, they’re partners and lovers. When your kids become the center of your universe…your role as wife gets shelved.
Slowly you start to feel like a taxi driver, lunch packer and homework checker. You and your spouse become so busy focusing on everything but each other that you drift apart. At first you just feel really busy, but then you start to feel like roommates. You settle into that routine assuming it’s a phase. And you’re right it is a phase:—it’s the beginning of the end. Suddenly the kids are gone—and you can’t remember why you married each other in the first place.
You don’t want to raise obnoxious kids: When you make kids the center of your universe, they turn into adults who think they are the center of the universe. Don’t you want your kids to grow up and marry someone who puts them first? Of course you do! And, its your job to teach them what it looks like. Show them with your marriage first Related: 3 Essentials of Happy and Healthy Relationships Putting your marriage first is actually really easy.
All you have to do is to find small ways make your spouse feel cherished. You already do this to your dog, just follow that philosophy: Treat your spouse like the dog, only better: greet them at the door, always be happy to see them (wag your tail), go for walks every day, reward good behavior several times a day with a treat, give lots of physical affection every day (pet the dog) and don’t hold grudges (you don’t punish a dog for weeks on end for pooping once in the house…so don’t be mad at your spouse for something they said last week).
Bring him/her coffee every morning. Hug, hold hands, often. Text/flirt throughout the day (reminders “just thinking about you xo”) Make your bedroom a no kids zone—explain to the kids that it’s “your space." Say I love you, in front of the kids, daily. Plan the week as a family, every Sunday to make logistics a minimum. You and your spouse should manage your family like it’s a team but you’re the star players.
A friend of mine calls it “steering the ship”—the family may all be on the same cruise liner—but you and your spouse drive it. It’s simple stuff if you think about it. Honestly it’s just about your focus. Life is busy. Technology overwhelms us. When you throw in kids, pets, work, girlfriends, etc—you have to prioritize—you can not do it all. Declaring your spouse as your number one priority is the first step, from there it’s pretty simple.
My mom and will be married 45 years in June. To this day, I remember when dad would come home, he’d hug mom first and the dog would start barking at their embrace because he was so jealous. I remember that we’d have to wait to have dinner until he got home from work, no matter how late it was. Even at a young age, I knew that we weren’t waiting because they wanted us to all be together, it was because they wanted to be together.
I also remember how he told her he loved her every day and kissed her before he left for work. They modeled a marriage that I wanted. I wanted to be the most important thing in my husband’s life, and vice versa. I never felt a lack of love, just the opposite—I was surrounded by it. I knew my dad loved me, but I knew he loved my mom most. And, that’s how it should be. Related: 20 Inspiring Quotes About Love Editor’s note: This post was originally published in March 2013 and has been updated for freshness, accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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An appliance has become the biggest investments you can ever make. Appliances are generally significant buys, and so are one with the most crucial portions of your property. You rely upon appliances for all the things from cooking to cleaning, and particularly looking at the level of revenue you may be putting forth for it, it only is smart that you would want to ensure you make the most practical purchase.
Residence appliances is usually a expression which happens to be utilized incredibly popularly nowadays but exactly what does it stand for? Residence appliances stand for the mechanical and electrical goods which are applied in your house for the functioning of a normal house.
You have probably heard the phrase "leave and cleave." Most of us agree that the cleaving part is pretty fun, but the process of leaving often presents a challenge. Becoming truly independent from our parents is one of the best gifts we can give our spouse. That doesn’t mean we should cut off contact with our parents or start being hateful toward them. It just means that pleasing our spouse should take priority over pleasing our parents.
Does your wife get upset when your parents drop by uninvited? Is your husband bothered by the fact that your mother calls constantly at all hours, day and night? Do you pressure your wife to spend vacations with your folks because that’s what they expect? Do you listen to your mom gossip about your mate? Do you accuse your wife of overreacting when she complains about something your parents said? Do you consistently turn to your father for advice instead of your husband?If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then perhaps you feel like you are in the middle of a tug-of-war contest.
You can’t figure out how to please your partner and your folks: they don’t get along with each other, someone is always angry with you, and you feel like moving to another planet.The good news is that you don’t have to try to please everybody—ever again. Focus on making your spouse your first priority, even if it upsets your mom and dad. If your parents have healthy behavior, they will gracefully step aside and encourage you to make your spouse a top priority.
They will value your needs as a couple and be respectful about their phone calls, visits, etc. If, however, your parents have destructive behavior, they will manipulate you with guilt to keep you in the role of an obedient child instead of allowing you to be a loyal spouse. They will feel entitled to call or visit whenever they want, and they will act offended whenever you try to draw healthy boundaries with them.
Here are four bad things to say (or imply) to your spouse:* "I don’t have the courage to say 'no' to my parents, so I’m saying 'no' to you."* "My parents’ behavior is perfectly fine; your behavior is the problem."* "Let’s not do anything to upset my folks."* "My parents’ needs are more important than yours."Here are four great things to say to your spouse:* "You are my first priority. Your needs are important to me.
"* "I want to support you, but I’m not sure how to do that. Please tell me."* "Let’s try to figure out a compromise we can both live with."* "Can you help me figure out a tactful way to tell my parents what we’ve decided?"When you choose to become a loyal husband or wife, you will have a stronger marriage and a more adult relationship with your parents. Your behavior will also help to improve the relationship between your spouse and parents.
For example, once you make it clear to your mom that your wife comes first, they will probably get along better because you will have eliminated the need for them to compete over you. Once you remove the need for competition, your spouse will likely try harder to please you by becoming more reasonable about issues involving your parents.In-law problems are among the top reasons for divorce. By uniting as a couple, you have the power to eliminate this threat to your marriage.
Jenna D. Barry is the author of "A Wife’s Guide to In-laws: How to Gain Your Husband’s Loyalty Without Killing His Parents." Find more at www.WifeGuide.org.