Online dating: It is not that hard, and yet so many people make it so hard. I’ve been documenting OKCupid atrocities for a while now, and a lot of themes crop up in the terrible messages that daters send me for, um, critiquing. This is how to send a semi-decent online dating message in nine easy steps. A one-sentence message probably isn’t saying enough, but you also don’t want to send a novel.
Responding to a few items in a person’s profile will take somewhere between three and eight sentences; if you find yourself writing a six-paragraph missive, work that delete key. We can tell when your message is copied and pasted to multiple people. Sure, it’s a pain to actually read through profiles and send unique messages to each person, but aren’t you here to find a date? Learn a little something about the person you’re messaging, and reference that in your communiqué.
“Hey gurl, luv ur pics” is not going to get a response. More likely to get a response: A message that is directly responsive to several things in the object of your affection’s profile. So you’ve caught on that “hey wuzz up” is generally understood to be an unoriginal message. Congratulations! However, copying and pasting some bizarre, rambling message isn’t going to trick someone into thinking you wrote all of that for them.
We know you’re trying to be “random” or “funny” with your ridiculous message about getting married / having babies / getting divorced / giraffes / or whatever other inappropriate thing you are messaging to dozens of people at once. It’s not clever. It also doesn’t trick anyone (other than the slowest people on the internet) into thinking you wrote that totally nonsensical message just for us.
Funny is good, but if you are not actually funny, don’t strain anything trying to be. Straightforward and nice is infinitely better than trying to be funny and failing miserably. Do not send multiple messages. There are lots of reasons why someone might not message you back. There are lots of reasons why someone may sign into OK Cupid, check their messages, and not message you back.
They simply might not be interested in you. Or, they might be checking their inbox quickly, and will respond later. Or, they might not check their inbox very often. But the quickest way to get yourself classified as a psycho is to message someone more than once without getting a reply. You messaged them. They saw it, or will see it. Now have patience, or set your sights on one of the 10,000 other single people in your area.
Repeat messaging says, “I am a creep with boundary issues.” And sure, there’s someone out there for everyone, but you will widen your dating pool by not being a creep with boundary issues. Yes, we’re all animals here and yes, dating is initially about physical attraction, but there has to be something more to make a relationship (or even a not-totally-painful date) work out. If you’re sending a message, the recipient already knows you’ve looked at their pictures and find them attractive.
So instead of stating the obvious (“you look like a small child and I enjoy sexing small children”), point to what it was that attracted you to their personality (or at least the fragment of their personality that they put on the internet).Oh and just to be clear: Commenting on how a woman could be your Nubian queen or your sweet Oriental flower is not substantive. Even if you do have a creepy racial fetish, announcing it will do you zero favors (although if you do have a creepy racial fetish, maybe deal with that through pornography and therapy, and don’t bring real live human beings into it?) Does her profile say she’s a lesbian and you’re a straight guy with a weakness for Justin Bieber haircuts? Sorry pal, but she’s not gonna be into you, no matter how hard her floppy hair makes you.
Do you live in Tennessee and are up for some long-distance chatting but she’s in New York and wants someone local? Move on to someone who’s interested in people of your gender, location, age, etc. The beauty of internet dating is that we all get to specify what we want. Respect that and don’t waste anyone’s time – including your own. You would think “don't be a dick” would be obvious, but there are apparently legions of people (mostly dudes) who adopt crappy pick-up artist tactics in their online dating lives, and think they might get lucky by sending vaguely (or blatantly) insulting messages to unsuspecting recipients (negging is actually a thing!).
Is there some low-self-esteem lady out there who might respond to a message about how ugly she is? Sure, maybe, but the odds are slim — and since this is the internet, even women who have been strongly socialized to be nice to cretins in bars are able to hit the delete key. You’re better off ditching the crappy, manipulative dating tactics and sending a nice, normal message. Unless both of you make it clear in your profiles that you are on this site for sex and only sex, keep the message PG – yes, even if there’s a mention of something sexual in the person’s profile, and yes, even if you think your sexual reference is cute or funny or clever.
We all want to get laid and we all have our sexual proclivities, and if we like something in particular we may mention it on our dating profile. But even if there’s a recognition that we, like almost every other adult human being, sometimes enjoy having our genitals touched, there’s no need to go all porno upon first introduction. There’s no need to go even a little bit porno. Until you’ve gone actual porno in real life, leave the porno-chat alone.
No one wants to date sad-sack, and no one wants to hear about your terrible past dating life the first time they talk to you. We’re all internet dating here – it follows that we are all single and perhaps don’t want to be. So don’t whine about your lack of a love life, don’t lament the fact that you’re such a nice guy but women are such bitches, and definitely don't threaten to kill yourself because you’re lonely.
Sell yourself! If you want extra credit (and a better chance at a response) be a little bit witty. Remember that nearly everyone likes someone who takes an interest in them. So respond to what’s in their profile and ask a question or two. Don’t make it The Sad-Face Show. Keep it breezy. Stick to these rules, be kinda funny, try not to be a cliché machine (you love to laugh and couldn’t live without your family and friends?! OMG ME TOO!) and your profile should be at least marginally acceptable (and hopefully won’t end up here for the wrong reasons).
___If you've got your own online dating horror stories, drop them below, or submit them anonymously.The A(n)nals of Online Dating is a weekly column about How We Date Now, from the proprietor of the website of the same name, showing off the best of the worst internet dating has to offer.Illustration by Leslie Wood
See Also: Catcher In The Rye First Edition
Home appliances is usually a time period that's utilized quite popularly nowadays but what does it stand for? Residence appliances stand for the mechanical and electrical merchandise which might be utilised at home for your functioning of a standard household.
An appliance is one of the major investments you'll ever make. Appliances are constantly hefty purchases, and so are a single from the most critical areas of your own home. You depend on appliances for everything from cooking to cleansing, and especially thinking of the quantity of money you are going to be putting forth for it, it only is sensible that you would would like to you should definitely make the most practical invest in.
Breaking the ice is hard anytime but when you’re only dating, it can feel impossible. Most of the time you have so little to go on—just a few photos, or maybe a short description about someone—so it can be hard to come up with something worthwhile to say. Other times, you’re busy trying to introduce yourself to a lot of people at once, so it’s hard to put together a perfectly crafted message for every single person.
To help inspire your own messages and to give you a place to start, we put together a few online dating first message examples you can pick and choose from. Ranging from a simple hello or an interesting question, to funny and flirty messages that help you stand out; there are over 100 online dating first message examples to help you get the conversation started. Ways to Just Say Hi: Hi, how was your weekend? Hey, how’s your week going so far? Hi.
What have you been up to lately? Hey, how are things with you today? Hi, any fun plans for the weekend? Hi, I hope your week is going well. Hi, how are you? 🙂 Hi there. How’s life treating you today? Hey, what are you up to today? Just stopping by to say hello. Hello! I just had to say hi to you. Hi! What’s up? How are you? How’s your day going so far? I hope you’re having a nice day 🙂 Hi there, how are you? Just wanted to say hi! Hey there! 🙂 Hi, I hope you’re having a great day.
Saw your profile and just had to say hi. Hey, what are you up to right now? Flirty/Funny Hellos: I can’t think of anything better than getting a reply from you. I want this message to be the reason you smile at your screen. Do you ever feel like something really great is about to happen? I kind of feel that way now. If you respond to one message today, let it be mine. I kind of, sort of, well, pretty much think you seem amazing.
Want to chat sometime? If you wanted to talk, it’d definitely make my day… or maybe year. Hello. Also, you are amazing. Could you please reply to this message and make me feel like the luckiest person in the world? You have no idea how happy it would make me to talk to you. You had me at It’s a Match. I tend to wear my heart on my profile. 🙂 Hello, bonjour, aloha, salut! (I wasn’t sure how to say hi, so I tried a bunch.
) Rawr means hello in dinosaur. RAWR! That awkward moment when you try to message a guy/girl and all you can think of is hello. Just saying hi. Because I’m annoying like that. I’m willing to risk the cooties if you are. I like how your nose is in the middle of your face. That’s really cute. I like hugs. I will always tell you when you have something in your teeth. That’s just the kind of person I am.
I’d love to talk to you. For reals. No fakesies. I think I quite fancy you. You seem super duper. Double thumbs up to you. Anyone can be cool but awesomeness like yours takes practice. You (yes, you) are the person I want to talk to. I don’t flirt, but I will totally seduce you with my awkwardness. I’m looking for someone I can be a complete nerd with. You interested? I like it when a guy/girl talks nerdy to me.
I’m the good kind of weird. How about you? You deserve a whole sheet of gold stars. The truth? I like you a lot. And I don’t even know you yet. I just have an idea. I passed by your photo too many times not to stop a say hi. My atoms are attracted to your atoms. It’s chemistry. Hello amazingness. You make me smile. That is all. You had me at online now. I want to be the reason you look into your phone and smile.
I was more excited to see your profile photo than pizza. And I really like pizza. I bet my dog would like you. I bet my cat would like you. Questions to Break the Ice: What’s something you could talk about for hours? What type of stuff do you like to do on the weekend? What kinds of things do you like to do for fun? What’s a typical day in your life like? If you could live anywhere, where would it be? What do you like to do when you go out? What type of stuff do you do in your spare time? If you could be a character in any movie, who would you be? What actor/actress would play you in the movie of your life? What’s your favorite book? What’s one thing I should know about you that’s not on your profile? What’s your favorite sports team? How did you pick your display name? What’s one saying you try to live by? Do you have any tattoos? If you got one what would you get? Are you close to your family? If you could choose a superpower what would it be? What’s the nerdiest thing you’re willing to admit? What are you most likely to stay up all night talking about? I love hearing other people’s stories.
Do you have a good one to tell? What’s your idea of the perfect day? When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? What’s one city you want to travel to? What’s your favorite band? What’s your favorite movie? What’s your favorite song? What’s one great book you’ve recently read? Are you an adventurous person? What’s your favorite cocktail? What’s your favorite restaurant? Would you describe yourself as a romantic person? Yes or no: Do you like to dance? Yes or no: Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes or no: Are you romantic? Do you have any pets? Do you have any nicknames? Where did you grow up? Are you an outgoing person or are you on the shy side? Do you like working out? What’s your favorite TV show? What are your favorite things to do in your spare time? Do you have any hobbies you’re passionate about? Are you an outdoorsy person? Do you play any sports? What’s one thing you’d bring with you to a deserted tropical island? What’s the fondest memory you have? What’s your favorite place in the whole world? Tell me one random fact about yourself.
If you had three wishes from a genie, what would you wish for? If you could redo a year of your life over again, what year would it be?