An important question this time of the year it isn't so much "should I file for divorce," but rather "when should I file for divorce?" Weighing the pros and cons of filing for divorce before or after the holidays is extremely common. People recognize that not only will the divorce impact their family unit, but also that the timing could taint future celebrations if filed prior to the holidays. There are several reasons people choose to file for divorce before the holidays, and these are some of the most common: 1.
They can't stand to spend one more holiday with their spouse. Faking civility with your spouse in your own home is hard enough, but faking it in public can be downright impossible. With the holidays comes social gatherings and situations, and people decide they can't expose themselves to these occasions for one more year. Whether it is a spouse who drinks too much, speaks negatively about the other spouse at parties, or is completely antisocial, a decision is made that enough is enough.
2. They can't stand to spend one more holiday with their spouse's family. Every family has its own issues. Although spouses may be willing to put up with their extended family's "issues" when they are getting along, their willingness to acquiesce when they are on the verge of divorce is zero. 3. It will make a difference in the divorce. Most jurisdictions have a waiting period before a divorce can be finalized.
If you live in a state that has a one-year waiting period, you may not want to "wait" until 2014 to get divorced. Likewise, if you live in a state where it is customary to get temporary orders, there may be a good reason to get the divorce and temporary orders on file before the end of the year. Another consideration may be the date that the marital estate is valued, as that date will vary based on your jurisdiction.
Thus, if the valuation date in your jurisdiction is the date the divorce action is filed, and you have specific reasons you want the valuation date to be sooner rather than later, 2012 may be the year. 4. Their spouse gives lousy holiday gifts anyway. Don't kid yourself. If there is trouble in a relationship, people do think about the gift they will receive if they just stick it out. While the gift will obviously not keep the relationship together, it can most definitely be a factor in the decision of whether to file for divorce before or after the holidays.
Similarly, there are many reasons that people choose to file after the holidays, but more often than not, the reason people hold off on filing for divorce is because of the children. Below are some of the most frequent explanations as to why people think that waiting to file for divorce after the holidays will be better for the children: 1. They don't want to ruin the holidays for their children. Without a doubt, this is the number one reason people choose to wait to file after the holidays.
While the concept is altruistic, I always wonder about the reality. In other words, are the parents able to be civil to each other over the holiday, or can you cut the tension with a knife? I can't say it enough, children are really smart. They pick up all sorts of cues. Just because parents aren't verbally sparring doesn't mean the children don't recognize that mom and dad aren't getting along. Perhaps instead of waiting to file for divorce so the holidays aren't ruined, parents should consider whether the way they interact will actually ruin the holidays for the children.
2. They don't want to share their kids over the holidays. Concerns about having to share children over the holidays are very real, and often a deterrent to filing for divorce before the holidays. However, a parent's concern about having to share his or her children over the holidays begs the question of, "what is in the best interest of the children?" Although there is no question that it is in the best interest of children to reside in a happy home with both parents, the circumstance of parents contemplating the timing of a divorce does not tend to lend itself to a "happy" home.
3. They have a great family trip planned during the holidays. Whether it is because the children are really excited about the trip, or neither parent wants to bow out, a family trip is a common reason to hold off on filing for divorce until after the holiday season. The interesting phenomenon is that parents choose to act like an intact family for the trip, only to come home and confuse the children by proceeding with divorce.
Regardless of when a spouse chooses to file for divorce, it is a very hard decision. If you don't have a specific reason why you need to file before the holidays, I would urge you to consider waiting until after the holidays. The stress of the holidays can truly cause people to do things they wouldn't normally do during other times of the year, including filing for divorce. Even if you are at the place of "enough is enough," haven't you been there before? This can't be the first season you've been resistant to spend the holidays with your spouse, or haven't wanted to be with your spouse's family.
However, keep in mind that if you are going to give your children one last gift of having the family together for the holidays, put on your happy face without giving your children the false sense of security that mom and dad will be together forever.See Also: First Pair Of Glasses
An appliance is without doubt one of the biggest investments you might ever make. Appliances are generally hefty purchases, and they are a single with the most significant aspects of your private home. You trust in appliances for almost everything from cooking to cleansing, and particularly thinking about the amount of money you'll be putting forth for it, it only is smart that you would wish to you should definitely make the most sensible get.
Home appliances is really a term and that is employed really popularly currently but what does it stand for? Residence appliances stand for your mechanical and electrical products and solutions which might be utilised at home to the performing of a ordinary home.
Over the years, I’ve had several clients who felt blindsided when their husbands announced intentions to divorce. Some thought all was well enough in their marriage; others knew there were problems, but didn’t think the issues were insurmountable. Whatever the circumstances, divorce can sometimes come as a complete shock. More often, though, wives have at least an inkling divorce could be on the horizon.
Typically, both spouses sense the marriage is on borrowed time, and quite frequently each one is privately considering legally ending the relationship. If that’s where your marriage stands right now, you may be wondering if you are any better off, financially and/or legally, if you file for divorce before your husband does. Well, that’s a very good question, and the answer is somewhat complex.
While it certainly doesn’t make sense to race your husband to the courthouse out of mere spite, or for the thin and fleeting satisfaction of winning at “gotcha,” there are legitimate reasons to consider filing first, if you have a choice. Here are a few of the most important factors you need to consider: Financial Advantages of Filing First You can have your divorce team lined up in advance.
Assembling the right team of qualified experts to help you achieve the best possible outcome from your divorce can take some time. You will need an excellent attorney, of course, and in financially complex divorces, it’s also essential to have a qualified divorce financial analyst on your side. At a minimum, I also recommend a good therapist to help you through, as well as a vocational expert if you plan to re-enter the job market.
You can gather all the documentation you will need before the divorce begins. It is critically important to have in your secure possession copies of all relevant financial and legal documents. These include not only bank and brokerage statements and tax returns, but also insurance policies, wills and trusts, retirement account statements, real estate records, vehicle registrations, etc. (See my Divorce Financial Checklist for a comprehensive list.
) Locating and copying all these documents can take considerable time and effort, particularly if your husband is controlling or secretive where finances are concerned. Filing first means that you’ll have all your documentation organized and in a secure location before divorce papers are served. You can ensure you have access to funds and credit before you file. As soon as you think divorce is in your future, you should immediately begin to set aside money for the expenses involved.
Make sure you have enough money to hire your divorce team; it is a critical investment in your financial future. Also, if you don’t have a credit card in your own name – and you absolutely should! – obtain one as soon as possible, as it may be hard to do so later. (More advice for taking the first steps towards divorce are available in my earlier blog post, Five Best Financial Tips For Women Divorcing In 2013.
) Filing first may prevent your husband from hiding assets. Deplorable as it is, many husbands hide assets during the divorce process. Filing first, particularly if you live in a state which requires an Automatic Temporary Restraining Order (ATRO), may help guard against any underhanded tactics. Legal Advantages of Filing First Filing first lets you choose where your divorce will be adjudicated. Divorces are generally decided in the jurisdiction in which they are filed.
If you and your husband have already separated and live in different counties or states, or if you spend equal time at homes in Connecticut and New York, for example, it is worth your while to check into the legal implications of filing in the different venues legitimately available to you. State laws can be widely different regarding such crucial considerations as child custody customs and division of marital assets, including whether or not an ATRO is part of the process.
Your experience and expected outcome might vary widely in different jurisdictions. Do your research, and consult with attorneys wherever you might file. As Laura A. Wasser , Divorce Attorney to stars like Maria Shriver, Heidi Klum, Angelina Jolie, Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey, Britney Spears and many others, told me, filing jurisdiction can have a significant impact on virtually every issue of the divorce process.
"While in ideal circumstances couples divorce where they live, hiring lawyers or mediators whose offices are convenient for both to get to, the fact is that the filing jurisdiction will influence the outcome of every issue that may arise in the divorce proceeding—child custody, child support, spousal support, division of property,” she said. “That’s why it is so important to know your own state’s practices concerning the key issues.
" You may thwart some dirty tricks your husband could try to pull. In particular, it may save you from falling victim to the trick known as “conflicting out,” by which the husband meets for quick consultations with all the best divorce attorneys in the area, thereby rendering them unable to serve the wife because they now have an attorney-client relationship with the husband. I asked Laura to expand on this point, as well.
"In a great many law firms—including mine —you will be routed first to a gatekeeper before an actual lawyer gets on the line. In my case, it’s my secretary who runs a brief but fairly substantive screening process. She will take down basic information like your name, your spouse’s name, how long you’ve been married, how many kids you have, where you are filing your case, and the like,” she said.
“The screening process runs a quick check of our database to make sure, for example, that your spouse didn’t phone us a year ago and come in for a meeting in which confidential information was relayed; that would mean I couldn’t represent you. Remember the famous episode of The Sopranos in which Tony’s putative new neighbor, a slimy lawyer if ever there was one, advises him to make appointments with all the top divorce lawyers in North Jersey so Carmela won’t be able to find legal representation? It worked, too; in a later episode, she freaked out at this further evidence of Tony’s controlling ways.
We watch out for that sort of thing in this initial screening process." You’ll be able to learn more insights from Laura in her upcoming book, It Doesn't Have to Be That Way; How to Divorce Without Destroying Your Family or Bankrupting Yourself, due out this fall from St. Martin's Press. The “first to file” may be the first litigant to present his or her case at trial. But think carefully before you do.
Debra DiMaggio a divorce attorney in Illinois, tells her clients there are pros and cons to presenting first. “On one hand, if you’re the wronged spouse, you may feel the need to be the first to file for emotional reasons. No one wants to be the ‘rejected’ spouse,” she explained to me. “But on the other hand, you may not want to reveal your strategy to the other side, who can then adjust his or her presentation accordingly.
” Debra’s advice is straightforward. “In my opinion, if a spouse senses trouble in the marriage he or she should immediately meet with an attorney to obtain information about the law and gain practical insight about the process,” she said. “After interviewing a qualified domestic relations practitioner, that spouse will have a keener sense of his or her spouse’s intentions with respect to the marriage going forward.
” I agree wholeheartedly with Debra. While I always encourage my clients to Think Financially, Not Emotionally, there is an emotional component to filing first which can’t be discounted. I don’t need to tell you that ending a marriage can be a wrenching, heartbreaking process. Once the decision is made, though, there can be some real emotional strength to be gained from taking the first tangible steps toward your new life as a single woman.
You may find that making the initial legal filing provides the psychological leg-up you sorely need, and that feeling more in control of the process will help you see the divorce through to your best advantage. Most importantly, however, you need to build a strong, qualified divorce team to guide you through the divorce proceedings and help you secure a solid financial future as an independent woman.
-- Jeff is the author of the new book, Divorce: Think Financially, Not Emotionally - What Women Need To Know About Securing Their Financial Future Before, During, And After Divorce, which provides women going through the crisis of divorce with the tools they need to secure their financial future. He is donating 50% of all book profits to Bedrock Divorce Fund for Abused Women, Inc. All articles/blog posts are for informational purposes only, and do not constitute legal advice.
If you require legal advice, retain a lawyer licensed in your jurisdiction. The opinions expressed are solely those of the author, who is not an attorney. For further information, please go to our website at: http://www.BedrockDivorce.com or email Jeff at Landers@BedrockDivorce.com